Date:  11/1/2007

You see, heartache is like an education for a man. We don't graduate until a woman breaks your heart. That is your diploma. Because that will either kill you or make you fat. Especially if you see her later with some good looking guy... see, when women get their heart broke they stay home and they cry. Men hold that in.

And walk around and get hit by trucks.

Guy says "didn't he see that truck coming before he stepped out into the road?" "Nah, man, he wouldn't have seen a 747. 'Cause his heart was broke."

- Richard Pryor


I have to agree, Richard.

So I was thinking about heartbreak but not because I'm feeling any right now.

I figured "why not think about what you've already learned?"

I don't think it's avoidable.  I also think it happens because we make some bad choices.  It is part of the human experience but I don't think it comes arbitrarily.  I think we're greedy, flighty, imperfectly judging, too often subject to changing feelings, and too quick to look for fulfillment in people, places, and things that really can't give fulfillment.

Anyway, so here's four things I've learned about heartbreak.

Often, It's Not About The Person

"Aren't you over her?" or "Haven't you moved on?" folks say.

I feel the answer is often "yes, yes I am over her" but that's not the problem.  The problem is that with any sort of relationship there's a lot of other things that go on.

There's always hopes, expectations, and usually some sort of goal that gets attached to a semi-serious relationship.  A heartbreak can mean these plans dissolve and we go to "Plan B".  Plan B is usually not as exciting or preferred because we have another idea about what life was going to be like and "where I'd be at this point".  You don't end up moving, you don't take that job, you don't have those experiences you thought you would.

There's a whole lot more to be sad about than not hanging out with the person.

The Unresolved Often Stays Unresolved

Heartbreak can mean a lot of sudden changes.  I know I've been through some things that I really wasn't able to cope with emotionally so resolution of the situation really wasn't possible - but survival seemed like a good option. 

Unfortunately, there comes a time when we start thinking clearer and we're processing what happened.  Sometimes there's questions to ask.  Sometimes there's things to say.  But there isn't anyone to ask or say these things to.  The window for discussion or conversation closed a long time ago when you were walking around getting hit by trucks.  There's a choice you can make when you wake up - wallow in unresolved hurt or change your perspective.

Seek a peace that surpasses all understanding.  This involves forgiveness for your trespasses and their trespasses - if even spoken just between you and God.  Accept the world and the people in it are broken, and understand there's grace. Don't burden yourself with things you cannot change, but do think about the internal source of your conflict.

That being said, I know I'm sorry for a lot of things.

Sometimes We Need Someone To Say "It'll Be Okay"

I think we hide a lot of things from people who are important to us.  I know I've done that because I didn't know what they'd think of me - whether they'd be disappointed about what I said, or disappointed that I'd still be feeling so rough about something that's so "old news".

Honestly, though, I think we need someone to say "you know, this was rough, and it's a shame, and that shouldn't have happened, and it'll be okay."

The hardest part about heartache is that it feels like you're going through it alone.  So often it feels like such a huge problem to face. 

So let someone in that pain and experience you're feeling and let them give you a hug.  Make them say "it'll be okay, man" - hold for a moment, and then release the hug.

There's No Soulmate You Missed Out On

Seriously.  You're not doomed.  You're not condemned to second-best.  You're not relegated to comparing and contrasting people to the "one who got away".

There is no "one person" you missed out on.  There's lots of people who might be compatible with you now or who you'll end up becoming.  I believe our God is a dynamic God who created dynamic people and dynamic relationships.

So go out and be awesome.

// Chad@HartLX.Com //


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Copyright: 2007 - Chad A. Hart